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  • Writer's pictureMary Gale Gurnsey

How to deal with a complainer

Are you fed up, stressed out and angry at someone who is a chronic complainer in your life? Here are three tips that can help.

1) Reframe

Instead of looking at the person as complaining, look at them as expressing a need. People who are complaining feel as though they are not being heard and need validation. Saying something like “if I were you I would feel the same way” will help them to stop repeating themselves because they feel heard and validated.

2) Change your response

This is how they communicate. When you stop taking it so personal and realize this is how that person communicates you might have a different response. Never try to encourage the person to pretend to be positive; asking people to be positive when they are not is resource-draining. People need to be real and authentic.

3) See the suggestion

People who appear to be complaining are often giving a suggestion to make things better. Asking them something like “how would you solve this?” It might help you to gain some great ideas.

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